January 20, 2014

The Inevitable Love Story: Part Five

But first: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

As soon as I got home from work, I sat myself down on my couch and started counting down the minutes. When I finally heard his knock on the door, I wasn't sure what to do and almost started to panic. I quickly pulled it together and forced myself to answer the door. Andrew was standing there with a nervous expression on his face. I couldn't help but notice how cute he looked, but quickly scolded myself and regained my "I hate boys" attitude. We sat on two different couches and we both remained silent for several minutes, willing the other to speak first.

Andrew finally began. Much was said, but the gist of our conversation was that he believed that he bored me. He was used to seeing me laughing and having a good time with big groups of people in our ward. I explained how I  had been shy and unsure of how to act around him. He then continued on to ask if he had completely ruined his chances with me. I was quite taken aback by this and told him he couldn't ask me questions like that. It was completely unfair of him. This sent him into a frenzied explanation. "I know Alicia. I don't expect you to answer. I just had to ask. You don't have to tell me and don't feel pressured to say anything. We weren't good communicating our feelings the first time around so I felt like I needed to tell you everything today. I didn't think I'd even get this far. I fully expected you to yell at me and send me on my way. I had to ask. But I don't expect an answer."

This was followed by my silence. I could see in Andrew's eyes that he was aching for me to say something, anything, back to him. But I was busy discussing things in my mind. I didn't know how to process all this information. After a few minutes, I decided to tell him my side. "You say we weren't good at communicating so I'm going to tell you everything that I am thinking right now. Some of it I really don't want to tell you, because you don't deserve to know, but I'm going to tell you anyways." I told him about the first time I saw him and how I instantly started referring to him as my future husband. I told him about freaking out when he messaged me his number on Facebook and when he asked me on our first date. I told him about how confused I was when it ended and how devastated I was. And then I told him about my dream where he told me I needed to wait for him.

At this last statement, his mouth dropped. I reasoned in my head that this must have been too much, that he was now seriously freaked out and regretting his decision of coming over. It was now my turn to desperately wait for him to tell me what he was thinking. His words were rushed. "Alicia, you don't have to believe me in any way, shape, or form, but one night when we were dating, I got a very strange feeling. I didn't know why and I couldn't figure out what would make me feel weary of dating you. I was happy and I liked you. but the feeling wouldn't go away. So I prayed about it and all I walked away with is that we needed time. It didn't make any sense to me in the least bit. Even though I didn't get why we might need time, I couldn't shake the feeling. So I broke up with you. I regretted it the second I did it, thinking it was my own thoughts and I was scared and trying to find a way out of a relationship. But hearing your dream, it makes sense to me, or at least I feel at peace with the prompting I had. I've talked to my parents about you a lot, expressing my fear that I ruined all chances of us. Usually they dismiss my ramblings, tell me to move on, that another girl will come along, but with you, they kept saying that maybe with time, things would work out. I understand this is all very convenient for my side of the story, how your dream works in with my promptings, but I won't be offended if you put zero to no stock into it."

Again, I was taken completely off guard by his comments. My mind couldn't decide what to do with all this information coming my way. I told him I really couldn't decide anything about us or if there was a chance to repair what had happened, but Andrew asked if we could at least consider ourselves friends again. I agreed.

After a restless night filled with never ending praying and thinking, I asked Andrew to come see me again. I told him as much as I would like to deny it, I still liked him very much and that I could see a possibility of dating sometime in the future. We decided that we would avoid the pressures of dating and become really good friends and get to know each other better before attempting anything else.

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